Monday, February 4, 2013

Ava & Will's Kissing Scene for Cupid's Literary Connection

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I'm participating in the Kissing Scene Competition hosted at the fantastic Cupid's Literary Connection! It's a blog-hop, so be sure to check out the other entries!

This scene is NOT from the manuscript I entered in the Blind Speed Dating Event  (I'm entry #146), or from either of the other projects I've described on this site. It's from a special pet project of mine: an as-of-yet untitled YA Contemporary set in my hometown ... because apparently two WIPs weren't enough for me!

And now, the scene:

We stand on the strip of rain-washed asphalt, behind the orange barricade separating us from the line of cars. It’s misting, and water beads dust his hair as he looks at me, past me - I can’t tell. I look down at my shoes, and the familiar gravel of this walkway: the place to say goodbye.

Will speaks first. “Avalee?”

My eyes flick upward. Beyond him, a group of campers dangle out their window waving red plastic cups, honking and hollering as they inch toward the ferry.

“Remember that night, on the Fourth of July?” he asks.

The night the fireworks got rained out and we’d run under the trees wrapped in his wool blanket. His arm around me, pressed against the length of mine, and the musk of damp earth and madrone. I was suddenly so acutely aware of him. Him, the boy I’d known my whole life, yet hadn’t.

We used to pick blackberries together in the rush of August before the autumn fogs came, dusting the berries in powdered-sugar mildew. We’d crush their tang between our fingers and paint each other’s faces. I never noticed him grow up. And then Sienna came.  And she did.

His eyes are still on me, reflecting the gray sea.

I should’ve said something, done something, back then. But I was scared.  He went to the party, and I didn’t, and the next day, they were together.

Of course I remembered that Fourth of July. It was the night I realized I’d lost him.

He shifts ... closer?  “I just want you to know - things would have been different if-“

He doesn’t need to do this. “Will, last night-

“This isn’t about last night,” he says, halving the half-step between us. “It’s about right now,” he murmurs, finger on my cheek. “It’s about always.”

And then he’s there. His lips on mine.

And the fact that he’s leaving and I’m staying and we live in different states, doesn’t matter. In an instant all those years we’ve been apart melt away, and I’m back there, on that blanket on the Fourth of July, standing in the rain. 


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  1. Ahh, that's kinda sad--the feeling that they're so far apart. Hopefully that changes. :)

  2. Can I say, that so far, I love your "pet" project! And I would totally read more.

    And speaking of so fars, I think this is one of my favorite kiss scenes I've read so far.

    Good luck! Margie #40

  3. This is so bittersweet. I'm pretty sure that is the perfect word to describe it!

    I already feel like I know these characters with all the past you were able to squeeze in such few words. I think that is what makes their kiss so satisfying. I'd definitely keep reading!

    -Amber (#41)
    My Kissing Scene

  4. Hi Carissa. Wanted to repay your nice comments on my scene by checking out yours, and let me give you a "wow!" back. I just love this scene. Love the pain of her realization of what she lost on that Fourth of July. Just beautifully painful. I'm hooked. And there's just something about a boy named Will. :) Keep writing, and turn this pet project into a full manuscript!

  5. like the build up of regret and memories before the kiss. complicated kisses are the best ones to read.

  6. I love that this "kissing scene" is about so much more than just the kiss. The build up is what makes it so great and bittersweet. I'm with YAardvarks- complicated kisses are the best. I would definitely keep reading.

  7. Great scene! I agree, your pet project is a keeper! Loved the memories and emotions here. :)

    Larissa (#47)

    P.S. I love your name, too. ;)

  8. I absolutely loved this one. I loved the emotion, especially this: "I never noticed him grow up. And then Sienna came. And she did." That broke my heart.

    I agree with Amber who said this was "bittersweet", but it was a perfect bittersweet.

    ~Mandy (entry #28)

  9. Utterly beautiful writing. Loved the voice, loved everything. I hope all the other writers are taking note: interiority is the key for chemistry in a tender kissing scene. Excellent work!

    Kathryn #18 (I set my blog post to auto-publish early this morning, and it failed. It's up now if you missed it. :-)

  10. Aw, this is so sweet, and kinda sad. About so much more than the kiss itself. I really loved this. Great scene! --Saybe (Kissing Scene #23)

  11. Wow. This brought me back to some of the missed connections of my youth. Lovely writing and though the overall tone was one of regret, there is more than a glimmer of hope in that kiss. Well done, Carissa.

  12. Awww...this is great. Don't tell my hubby, but reminded me of a guy when I was growing up. And I never did get to see him grow up. It was so emotional and the kiss just kinda sealed the deal for me. Keep on writing.:)

    Rebecca #21

  13. Loved this! Definitely bittersweet. My favorite line was: His arm around me, pressed against the length of mine, and the musk of damp earth and madrone. Yum!
    And thanks for your comments on my entry.:)

  14. You definitely tug on the heartstrings with this one, and if the comments are any indication - readers will emphasize and connect with this scene BIG TIME. Nice work.
    Great placement of this line: "I never noticed him grow up. And then Sienna came. And she did." Can you spell tension? Wow. Don't let this one get buried under the bed...I have a feeling this is the book of your heart...write it! Good luck!
    Melonie (kiss #29)

  15. "Empathize"
    It's 1:30 in the morning, I think I need to take a break from reading kisses! :)

  16. This is a wonderful scene that's brimming with emotion! Nicely done! The tension is high and you stretch it out very well.

    The only line that pulled me out was: "dusting the berries in powdered-sugar mildew." I think I know what you're going for, but it left me confused. Maybe "dusting the berries with mildew, like you would powdered-surgar"? Okay, that's bad (haha) but I think it could be re-worked because as it stands, I was left thinking that there was literal powdered-sugar mildew. :)

    Best of Luck!!
    Jennie (#49)

  17. There are so many great lines here. You really took care with each and every word--beautiful writing. I love the fact that it's misting. I love the fact she knew him all along and yet she didn't! Perfect sentiment.

    Good luck!
    Tracy (#24)

  18. Wow what a wonderful scene. I love how you brought in the memory to help drive the tension forward. Absolutely beautiful! I have one minor nitpick and it's small "halving the half-step between us" drew me out of the scene for a brief second. I think it was the halving the half. Otherwise gorgeous :)

    Good luck!
    Jamie (entry #3)

  19. I love emotional scenes like well done! Your words are finely crafted, and this is simply gorgeous!! Great job!!

    Virginia #7

  20. This was beautifully written and executed to perfection. My favorite line is “This isn’t about last night,” he says, halving the half-step between us. “It’s about right now,” Gah! I'm all swoony here! I really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing, and good luck!

    Maggie #27 (thanks for your comments on mine, btw!

  21. Oh wow, I love this, especially "this is about always"

  22. This is really good. It's touching and achingly sad. Isn't it funny how kissing scenes can be about all kinds of different emotions?

  23. Wow, even though there wasn't much kissing, persay, the chemistry between these two...damn! From the little I've read, I want to know more about these two and I want them to have more time to kiss each other too, LOL. Great job!

    Jessica #42

  24. This is beautiful! So much emotion in such a short space and I felt every bit of it along with your characters. Loved it! :)

  25. I really loved the emotion here. The sorrow at not having been fast enough conmes through so well. You have me swooning. Best of luck!
    Laura, Kiss #33, BSD #112



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