We'll see how I go ... and other ways to sound Aussie

So today, or maybe it was yesterday (it is hard to keep track of days when I am on Sydney time, but my computer is on AZ time), I submitted my book to Amazon's Breakthrough Novel Award! It would be AWESOME if I could even make it through round one of this thing. We'll see how I go on the 23rd!

Which reminds me - I have been meaning to share my first installment of Australian Phraseology.
Whether we're going out in the arvo (afternoon) with friends or are just trying to pick up some "tasty cheese" (cheddar) at the local market, I often feel like I need to be carrying around an Aussie Decoder Pen. I know these folks are speaking English, but there are a heck of a lot of differences.

To get the full experience of this list, click on the links - you'll jump to one of my favorite websites in the entire world: Forvo.com. There you can actually listen to an Aussie say the word out loud!

All right! On to some of my current favorites:

Bogan -- This is the Australian equivalent of a "redneck" though I think it's a bit more specific ... like a redneck in the city maybe? I haven't quite figured out how offensive this, and I haven't been brave enough to drop it in casual conversation to find out.

Maths -- This one just cracks me up. You don't work on your math homework. You work on your maths homework. In an interesting twist, you likewise don't watch sports, you watch some sport. I don't know why, but I giggle everytime I hear these words or see them painted on the "maths tutorial" buses ... which they have quite a lot of here.

Bench -- After Rob received several mysterious emails from colleagues about nibbles being left on the bench, we quickly realized that nibbles=snacks. What took us longer to figure out was why the heck people were leaving them lying around on a bench where someone could sit on them?! We had no reason to worry. Turns out a "bench" is a kitchen counter. The problem is I now have no idea what to call an actual bench! Sigh.

Biscuit -- This one still has me going in circles. If a biscuit is what we (Americans) think of as a cookie, what do Australians call a biscuit? I've sort of figured out the whole chips(AUS)=fries(US), and crisps(AUS)=chips(US) thing, but the biscuit/cookie mess has me completely confused.

Also, if like me, you ever suspected that American tv/movies were exaggerating how often Aussies say "mate"  -- they aren't! They may even be under-exaggerating! They say it ALL the time, to friends and (more often) as a way to be welcoming/friendly to strangers. I love it! I don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to say it with a straight face -- it just begs for that great Aussie lilt -- but I love it!

Cheers

To the person who left the gates open at the horse arena last night, thanks heaps! I've never really been in a horse showing arena (if that is what you call it), but from what I could see at 1:00am it looked very circusy and magical. There were lots strange things hanging from the ceiling and seats in the middle of the circle that I didn't understand but looked acrobaticky. If they don't already do horse shows at night, it's something that really something they should consider, 'cause I think they may have something there. Even Rob might go if the horses were wearing costumes with LED lighting. Well, ok maybe there would also need to be backflips and maybe some fire, but if there were those things, we'd definitely be back!

To the person who left the pallets leaning against the lamppost on the hill, I love you! Our arms are a little sore and my hands smell suspiciously like beer, but thankfully half a block down someone else had brought a shopping cart over from Randwick, so that helped a ton! I am hoping they will clean up nicely. I think Rob did a pre-wash last night. I can't really remember because after carrying the pallets up 3 stories (stupid elevatorless apartment, grr), I fell asleep on the living room floor. But eventually, I think they will clean up and hopefully de-waterlog quite nicely and we can have cool bookshelves and/or coffee table. Votes?

(a)  (b) 

(c) (d) 

Long term, I think what really want is (a) but right now (d) is looking pretty nice. And yes, in case you didn't know I am addicted to Pinterest.


P.S. Did you know that cool guys don't look at explosions?

P.P.S. If you are the owner of the horse arena that was not us on your security tapes. And you might want to get some actual security, not just the tapes. But don't, because it's really fun there at night.

Delayed Reactions

It only took 2.5 weeks for me to realize that even though Rob's camera is certainly broken, we can still get the pictures off of his SD card by inserting it in my camera. Brilliant. So, with a minor delay, here are some of our first impressions of Sydney! Ok my impressions of Sydney really, since I mostly had the camera and Rob wouldn't touch a blog with a 10 foot nanotube. If he has anything to add, I will allow him a postscript.

I still have no pictures of the hibiscus or the plumeria or the flying foxes or the birds, and that is really horrid of me because they are gorgeous. Well, except for the ibis. The ibis are a little dirty - probably because they are always poking around in the rubbish bins. If you ever thought ibis were majestic (maybe I was the only one?) Sydney will pretty quickly rectify those delusions. The ibis are like those little lap dogs some people have that are supposed to be white, but are now all dingy brown for reasons no one wants to ask. But you don't have to ask the ibis, just watch one for about 2.2 and you'll find out. Ick. Anyway. Birds are what we don't have pictures of. Here are some of the things we do.

On the first day that we went out with camera, we went to Darling Harbor. I can't really remember why we were there, but I think it had something to do with a farmers' market that turned out not to exist. However, this water park near Tumbalong Park at Darling Harbor was very cool. You could pump the pumps and move the sluice gates and make the water go down whatever path you wanted. We had a lot of fun with it until a girl in loaded pink diapers moved her sluice gate and cut us off ... which in retrospect was probably for the best anyway, as she was actually sitting in the stream we'd had our hands in.

After a quick sterilization, we hopped over to the Powerhouse museum, which had a ton of super cool steam-powered contraptions and robots and magnets and science experiments that I can't show you because it was here that our camera decided to stop working. We unfortunately didn't realize this at the time, and subsequently took dozens of probably super-amazing photos that are now lost forever. But! I do have this picture of a piece of old steam-powered circus equipment! The last photo before our camera set sail.

Thankfully, we have second, and actually much better camera, and when I have more energy, I will get some of those photos up here from our Chinese New Year and Australia Day excursions.

Anyhow. There are also of course many things we didn't or couldn't take photos of. The second night after we arrived we went to hear Beirut in the Sydney Opera House. We had seats way way up in the tippy top in the back, but it was much smaller inside than I'd expected so it didn't feel like we were so far away. The acoustics in there were amazing. And Beirut was amazing. They aren't much for talking or putting on a show between songs, but in a way that just made the whole thing better. Just the music.

Distractinol - Gotye & Marcel

I've been hooked beta reading all day long. So after eating my vegan mac and cheese, I decided to take a little break. Two hours later, I thought I'd share my weekly dose of Distractinol:

          

          

I pretty much never get on YouTube, as you might be able to tell by the age of the selections. And I'm fine with that. I figure the other folks can do the filtering for me.

Why my kid will look like a dork (aka the coolest playground ever)

So Australians are a funny bunch. Since starting his job, Rob has had to file approximately 316 pages of paperwork to be allowed work in his own laboratory (one of these forms was online and allowed him the option of selecting his title as Brigadier, which he infuriatingly would not do for me, but more on this later). Meanwhile, all across Sydney, parents willingly nudge their small children several feet meters closer to death each and every day. I am talking, of course, about the playgrounds.

Sydney is filled with parks. Pocket parks, lawny parks, treeish/brookish parks, parks with racetracks and cricket pitches (is it called a pitch?) and fountains. Parks with trees dripping with flying foxes. Some of these parks have playgrounds. And 100% of these playgrounds spell inevitable doom for anyone who dares tread their recycled tire matting. It is just a matter of time.

Take Exhibit A. Climbing pyramid. Or as I like to call it, Mount Doom. Take a moment and consider the scale here. Those kids don't stand a chance. If they don't end up strangled by the ropes, they'll certainly plunge to their death at the top of K2. Come on folks, Really?

These terrifying structures literally riddle the parks all across New South Wales. If that weren't enough, let's add Exhibit B. Un-manned Ziplines. Now when this photo was taken the victim was somewhat close to the ground so you really can't comprehend the horror here. But considering she started approximately 155 feet in the air (+/- 150 ft), I was floored. And they just let kids grab on and hope for the best, 24/7/365. The park doesn't even tie it up in the middle of the night. And we all thought China had the impending population pyramid problem. Nope. I'm here to tell ya folks: it's Sydney, Australia.

But these are kind of boring, you say. We've seen this before. Yawn.
All right, why not mix it up a little? Better yet, why not mix and match? My personal favorite, Exhibit C. Carousel of Death.
Remember those Merry-Go-Rounds that were so much fun when we were little banned across the U.S.? Well here in Sydney, they're back! With an added feature: on top of the merry-go-round, you get Mount Doom. That way, when you get going fast enough, you can fly off from approximately 20 feet in the air!!!! So. Cool.

So this is why my kid (if I were ever to have one) will look like a dork. Because he/she/it will not be let out of the house without helmet and neck-brace. Ever. Depending on destination, life-jacket and goggles will also be required. Cruel? Not compared to the near-death experiences millions of Sydneysiders subject their kids to each day. Will my kids get made fun of? Sure. But in the end, they'll thank me for it.                                         

Up and Carissa

I have a serious issue. I am awake. This has been a problem my entire life. Here's how it goes - a little something like this: I always wake up before 6am.  Does it matter that I stayed up till 3am? No, silly girl it does not matter that you stayed up till 3am! Bah! It's better if you stayed up until 3am! Then all the sleep fairies can have a good laugh ... and a coffee break.


In fact, I have calculated that over the course of my life, I have been awake approximately 2-3 years more than Rob, despite the fact that he is 1 year older than me. Yes we actually calculated this, and yes, you read it right. We go to bed at the same time every night; then I wake up at 5 or 6, and he wakes up at 8 or 9. You calculate this out over the course of a week, and I have been awake approximately 21 hours longer that week than he has. Stretch it out to a month, I've been awake for 3-4 more days than him. 


Some days I love this. I wake up and get twenty million things done before anyone else is awake. Other days I hate it, because no matter how tired I feel, I cannot go back to bed. I. must. get. up. On the flip side of things, at night, I can go to sleep really fast. Really fast. I have been timed. I am not sure what my average is, but the record is 29 seconds from declaring intent to sleep.


**The title for this blog post is stolen from Rob... he's always of the opinion that 'Adam' (at 'em) never not make sense ... he's always very clearly 'Up and Rob' not 'Up and Adam'**

Book Recommendation: Bumped

Megan McCafferty

Pages: 336

Ages: 14+

Melody and Harmony are identical twins. For sixteen years they didn't realize the other existed, and their lives were very, very different. Melody's a Pro pregger about to land a killer contract. Harmony's a god freak who has all the right answers. So when Harmony shows up un-announced on Melody's doorstep intending to stay and convert her sister, things are bound to go wrong. And they do. Fast.


This story is brilliantly told in short, snappy chapters from two interchanging POVs: Melody and Harmony. I literally could not put this down. Literally. In the vein of M.T. Anderson's FEED, it takes awhile to get used to the short choppy sentences and jargon of this future dystopian society wherein adults are no longer able to reproduce, so teenagers are pimped for "pregging" and everyone has a constant link to MiNet. A warning: the novel does not shy away from using explicit lingo to get its message across. The entire world McCafferty has created is at once incredibly believable and entirely disconcerting, with its cock-jockies, massSex parties, and preteen funBumps. Weeks after reading it, I still don't know what to think, except that this book is entirely brilliant, wholly disturbing, and is going to make a lot of people mad (just check out the amazon reviews). But it'll definitely make us think.  


Want more book suggestions? See my other Book Recommendations.