The Reason I've been AWOL: Part II

Yesterday I posted The Reason I've been AWOL Part I. This is Part II. 

Some of you may already know from Facebook and other channels that I have some very exciting (and non writing related) news! If you haven't seen it already, check out the video my husband and I made:

It is the story of our lives since we met each other, as retold by our little shell actors (Austrocochlea porcata to be exact -- yes I'm a marine biology nerd!). The story opens where we met in California, up to Seattle (note the Space Needle, heehee), to our grad programs in Arizona and then across the ocean to Sydney, where we are about to embark on a new adventure!

Our Lives In Shell Video:

That's right, my husband and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our first child!
Due Date December 3rd, 2013. This past year has been a very difficult one for me healthwise, so we are excited, shocked, and completely over the moon about this!

I won't be posting much more about the little one here, but if you're interested, there will be regular updates over on my personal blog: "Taylors in Sydney"

April is Aussie Author Month!

Did you know that April is Australian Author Month?

I just moved to Australia, so I'm definitely going to take advantage of this great excuse to read Australian! There are so many great Aussie authors out there. Some of them you may know and love, others you may want to try. There are some fun challenges going on this month (see links below) too. You don't have to be from OZ to join in. If you can, take some time this April to savor a book written by an Aussie Author!


My Favorite Aussie Authors

Garth Nix -- His Old Kingdom series is one of my all time favorites, and I don't even like zombie books!
Markus Zusak -- Ahhh! THE BOOK THIEF! I can't even begin to describe how good this book is.
Scott Westerfeld -- Ok, so he's only Australian half the year, but still. And Uglies? It totally blew me away. read my review here.

 

Aussie Authors on my April TBR list


Melina Marchetta -- Eek I know! I haven't read On The Jellicoe Road! This need to change.
John Mardsen -- Tomorrow, When the War Began has been on my TBR forever.
Justine Larbalestier -- Really want to check out her Magic or Madness Trilogy. She's married to Scott Westerfeld, and therefore is the one who gifted him with his quasi-Australian-ness.

    

More info on Aussie Author Month:
Aussie Author Month & Indigenous Literacy Foundation || Australian Women Writers - Reading Challenge ||   Aussie Author Challenge 2012 || Goodreads: Aussie Authors Challenge with a Twist || 

Want to Find an Australian Author?
Inkcrush's Fav Aussie YA Authors || Goodreads list: Fantasy Authors from Australia || Goodreads list: Best Australian YA Books || Abebooks 20 Must Read Australian Authors || 

Oh Tiger Airways, How We Love You

This is the closest image I could find to capture the ridiculousness of our recent adventure at the Melbourne airport. There are almost no words. This, in a nutshell, is what happened:

We arrived at the Melbourne airport three hours early. We were fresh off a fantastic whirlwind trip which included: gyros eaten beneath stalactites, penguins (!!!), the beaches of St. Kilda, a heaping plate of sichuan peppers, art galleries, wine-tasting, chocolate-tasting, hiking in Yarra Ranges Ntl. Park, and most importantly an afternoon of koalas, echidnas, and platypi (I could have watched them forever. Literally.). As you can see it was quite a pleasant trip. And then we get to the Melbourne airport.

The nice lady at the ticket counter took our passports and weighed our carry-ons for us.
   
         "You're overweight," she said.

This could have been considered offensive in many ways, but unfortunately the way she meant it was in the worst possible way: our carry-ons. Turns out, our luggage was magic! Despite the fact that the bags weighed exactly the same as when we boarded the plane in Sydney, they were now all suddenly 'overweight.' What's the fee for an overweight bag? Oh just a cool $70 per bag. Panic.

We stumbled away from the counter. Turns out we'd been misinformed back in Sydney. The carry-on limit was two bags at a max of 7 kilos per bag, but there was also a 10 kilo max for the two bags combined, not the 14 kilos total that we'd been granted in Sydney. We sat staring blankly at one another for awhile, then hatched a plan.

I don't know if you've ever tried to wear five tank tops, five long-sleeved shirts, and a pair of pants over a pair of shorts, but I can tell you right now it's not easy. When you do finally get everything tugged on, you get the added bonus of looking like a big fat marshmallow. Also note that layering is rather hot when it's 80 degrees out and the airport has no air conditioning.

But we made it! We might have been overweight but our bags were not! We waltzed through the ticket counter, through security where we were hand-picked for an explosives inspection (cause let's face it, we looked a little bulky), all the way to the gate, where we looked at each other's outfits and promptly collapsed in a giggling fit for the next 20 minutes.

Lesson learned? Next time, wear shorts over jeans, not under. That way they won't feel (and look) so much like diapers.

Did you mean what I think you said?

 PhD Misunderstood

Sometimes there are things people say here in Australia that don't translate. And there's things that I say which they don't understand. Those are all fine. We might not understand each other, but at least I'm not going to misuse them on accident - inadvertently converting an innocent US word into an extremely "disreputable" Australian phrase.

If you know me very well, you will know that it is nigh impossible to get a dirty word to cross my lips. Why? Well there's a reason they call them dirty words people! They feel nasty-pants on the way out! And then of course there's the word that technically isn't dirty but for some reason still feel it is when I say/hear it. This naturally means whenever Rob & Co. want to be particularly hilarious, they say that word approximately three thousand times over the course of the evening. Grrrr. It is amazing how often it fits into conversation. And if you don't know what the word it is, I'm not telling you, because then I'll only have more people to torture me. But I disgress.

The problem is there are several words that seem oh so cute and cuddly in American English, but are somewhat less appropriate here in Australia.

The "Do Not Say" List:

Date - While still used in the american sense (I think anyway), can also be used to describe the bit of the human body so loved by Sir-Mix-A-Lot. A "date roll" is another term for toilet paper.
Doodle - Not sure if they ever use this to refer to drawing/sketching, but they definitely do use it to refer to a certain portion of the male anatomy. Sigh. So long Doodle Poll - it was good while it lasted.
Fanny Pack - These were such a bad idea to begin with, it's probably a good thing the term is indecent here, like it is in the U.K.
Pissed -  This simply means "drunk" ... not so bad, but could lead to awkward moments depending on how/in whose company you used it.
Root - In Australia you NEVER root for your team, unless you are extremely promiscuous.

Then, on the other hand there are things they say commonly here that would mean something slightly different in the U.S.

"I'm going to knock up Lisa tomorrow" (Translation: I'm going to call her up/look her up)
"Everyone get out your rubbers!" (Translation: Please get out your erasers.)

Some days, it seems like we might understand each other best if we didn't say anything at all.

Bowling x 2 or What I learned of cricket

As I'm sure all of you are aware, last Monday (well Sunday for all you back in the U.S.) was the Superbowl. Half of me was sort of hoping it wouldn't be shown over here, I mean after all they don't even have the name right ... pah ... Gridiron - what's that? No matter that 'football' makes absolutely no sense for any player on the team except the kicker ... but let's not get into the football vs. soccer debate now. Football is an even more confusing term here in Australia because of  "Footy" - Australian Rules Football, which as far as I can tell is a sport that has almost no rules and even less padding. 

Bowl # 1: Superbowl

Spoiler Alert

Anyhow, back to the story. Turns out they do air the Superbowl here (lucky me), on at least two of the 10 - 15 channels that come in with acceptable levels of ants/snowiness. Rob soon discovered that we were receiving the game about two minutes ahead of his family with whom we were Skyping back in the U.S. ... so then of course he got a kick out of announcing all the big plays that were happening two minutes before they saw them. Something I'm sure they appreciated. 

Bowl # 2: Cricket 
So that was one type of bowl. Superbowl. Meh. You know how that goes. Running, TDs, timeouts, commercials, glitz, and corvettes for QBs that probably have one too many already. The usual. The other type of bowling we saw last weekend was much more interesting to me, mostly because I've never seen it before: Cricket. It did take me about five hours of deciphering Aussie accents to realize that they were saying "bowling" not "balling," but I eventually figured it out. "Wait, ok, what's that pitcher guy doing? He's balling?" "No - balling." "Wait bowling?" "No - bawling." Ahh. Bowling. Got it. I did double check on wikipedia when I got home just to be sure. I love Aussie accents.

This is what I learned about Cricket in 7 hours:

  How a proper cricket player wears

their sunscreen.

1. It is very superficially like baseball.
2. It is really nothing like baseball.
3. The main goal of the bowler (pitcher) is to kill or otherwise maim the batsman enough to get at the wickets behind him.
4. The main goal of the batsman  is to avoid death while hitting the ball where no one can get it. 
5. When you play cricket in a teeny tiny pocket park, it is probably going to end in you breaking something. Like the window of that nice little office across the way.

It really wasn't our fault. It really wasn't! In fact neither Rob nor I was the batsman at the time the window broke. If anyone was to blame, it was the weather that caused a 3 hour rain delay of the India-Australia game and drove us to our own game of cricket in the first place. But the parents of the dozen or so toddlers that had mysteriously descended on the park didn't seem to see it that way. So after picking up the glass we all decided it was best to head back to the apartment and experience the rest of our cricket safely through the television set with a pint of what is, hands down, the best ice cream in the world - Maggie Beer's Burnt Fig, Honeycomb and Caramel.

How we probably looked returning
from the park -- just less cute

3 x 3 : Views from our mailbox

The thing I love about photography is the way it forces you to stop and look at the world from a different perspective. Or in the case of this blog post, nine of them. I've wanted to do this for a long time, and actually took the photos for one on a street corner in Montreal but never got around to putting it together. The idea is this: pick a place, and stand within a 3 x 3 square. Without stepping outside the boundaries take 9 photos: 3 pictures with a normal lens, 3 with a macro/closeup and 3 with a telephoto. It's amazing how much diversity and how many stories can be found  while standing on such a small slice of pavement.

   

   

  

              

The top row was taken with my normal lens. The middle row with my telephoto. The bottom with a closeup filter. This is what I saw today while standing by my mailbox.

We'll see how I go ... and other ways to sound Aussie

So today, or maybe it was yesterday (it is hard to keep track of days when I am on Sydney time, but my computer is on AZ time), I submitted my book to Amazon's Breakthrough Novel Award! It would be AWESOME if I could even make it through round one of this thing. We'll see how I go on the 23rd!

Which reminds me - I have been meaning to share my first installment of Australian Phraseology.
Whether we're going out in the arvo (afternoon) with friends or are just trying to pick up some "tasty cheese" (cheddar) at the local market, I often feel like I need to be carrying around an Aussie Decoder Pen. I know these folks are speaking English, but there are a heck of a lot of differences.

To get the full experience of this list, click on the links - you'll jump to one of my favorite websites in the entire world: Forvo.com. There you can actually listen to an Aussie say the word out loud!

All right! On to some of my current favorites:

Bogan -- This is the Australian equivalent of a "redneck" though I think it's a bit more specific ... like a redneck in the city maybe? I haven't quite figured out how offensive this, and I haven't been brave enough to drop it in casual conversation to find out.

Maths -- This one just cracks me up. You don't work on your math homework. You work on your maths homework. In an interesting twist, you likewise don't watch sports, you watch some sport. I don't know why, but I giggle everytime I hear these words or see them painted on the "maths tutorial" buses ... which they have quite a lot of here.

Bench -- After Rob received several mysterious emails from colleagues about nibbles being left on the bench, we quickly realized that nibbles=snacks. What took us longer to figure out was why the heck people were leaving them lying around on a bench where someone could sit on them?! We had no reason to worry. Turns out a "bench" is a kitchen counter. The problem is I now have no idea what to call an actual bench! Sigh.

Biscuit -- This one still has me going in circles. If a biscuit is what we (Americans) think of as a cookie, what do Australians call a biscuit? I've sort of figured out the whole chips(AUS)=fries(US), and crisps(AUS)=chips(US) thing, but the biscuit/cookie mess has me completely confused.

Also, if like me, you ever suspected that American tv/movies were exaggerating how often Aussies say "mate"  -- they aren't! They may even be under-exaggerating! They say it ALL the time, to friends and (more often) as a way to be welcoming/friendly to strangers. I love it! I don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to say it with a straight face -- it just begs for that great Aussie lilt -- but I love it!

Cheers

To the person who left the gates open at the horse arena last night, thanks heaps! I've never really been in a horse showing arena (if that is what you call it), but from what I could see at 1:00am it looked very circusy and magical. There were lots strange things hanging from the ceiling and seats in the middle of the circle that I didn't understand but looked acrobaticky. If they don't already do horse shows at night, it's something that really something they should consider, 'cause I think they may have something there. Even Rob might go if the horses were wearing costumes with LED lighting. Well, ok maybe there would also need to be backflips and maybe some fire, but if there were those things, we'd definitely be back!

To the person who left the pallets leaning against the lamppost on the hill, I love you! Our arms are a little sore and my hands smell suspiciously like beer, but thankfully half a block down someone else had brought a shopping cart over from Randwick, so that helped a ton! I am hoping they will clean up nicely. I think Rob did a pre-wash last night. I can't really remember because after carrying the pallets up 3 stories (stupid elevatorless apartment, grr), I fell asleep on the living room floor. But eventually, I think they will clean up and hopefully de-waterlog quite nicely and we can have cool bookshelves and/or coffee table. Votes?

(a)  (b) 

(c) (d) 

Long term, I think what really want is (a) but right now (d) is looking pretty nice. And yes, in case you didn't know I am addicted to Pinterest.


P.S. Did you know that cool guys don't look at explosions?

P.P.S. If you are the owner of the horse arena that was not us on your security tapes. And you might want to get some actual security, not just the tapes. But don't, because it's really fun there at night.

Delayed Reactions

It only took 2.5 weeks for me to realize that even though Rob's camera is certainly broken, we can still get the pictures off of his SD card by inserting it in my camera. Brilliant. So, with a minor delay, here are some of our first impressions of Sydney! Ok my impressions of Sydney really, since I mostly had the camera and Rob wouldn't touch a blog with a 10 foot nanotube. If he has anything to add, I will allow him a postscript.

I still have no pictures of the hibiscus or the plumeria or the flying foxes or the birds, and that is really horrid of me because they are gorgeous. Well, except for the ibis. The ibis are a little dirty - probably because they are always poking around in the rubbish bins. If you ever thought ibis were majestic (maybe I was the only one?) Sydney will pretty quickly rectify those delusions. The ibis are like those little lap dogs some people have that are supposed to be white, but are now all dingy brown for reasons no one wants to ask. But you don't have to ask the ibis, just watch one for about 2.2 and you'll find out. Ick. Anyway. Birds are what we don't have pictures of. Here are some of the things we do.

On the first day that we went out with camera, we went to Darling Harbor. I can't really remember why we were there, but I think it had something to do with a farmers' market that turned out not to exist. However, this water park near Tumbalong Park at Darling Harbor was very cool. You could pump the pumps and move the sluice gates and make the water go down whatever path you wanted. We had a lot of fun with it until a girl in loaded pink diapers moved her sluice gate and cut us off ... which in retrospect was probably for the best anyway, as she was actually sitting in the stream we'd had our hands in.

After a quick sterilization, we hopped over to the Powerhouse museum, which had a ton of super cool steam-powered contraptions and robots and magnets and science experiments that I can't show you because it was here that our camera decided to stop working. We unfortunately didn't realize this at the time, and subsequently took dozens of probably super-amazing photos that are now lost forever. But! I do have this picture of a piece of old steam-powered circus equipment! The last photo before our camera set sail.

Thankfully, we have second, and actually much better camera, and when I have more energy, I will get some of those photos up here from our Chinese New Year and Australia Day excursions.

Anyhow. There are also of course many things we didn't or couldn't take photos of. The second night after we arrived we went to hear Beirut in the Sydney Opera House. We had seats way way up in the tippy top in the back, but it was much smaller inside than I'd expected so it didn't feel like we were so far away. The acoustics in there were amazing. And Beirut was amazing. They aren't much for talking or putting on a show between songs, but in a way that just made the whole thing better. Just the music.

Why my kid will look like a dork (aka the coolest playground ever)

So Australians are a funny bunch. Since starting his job, Rob has had to file approximately 316 pages of paperwork to be allowed work in his own laboratory (one of these forms was online and allowed him the option of selecting his title as Brigadier, which he infuriatingly would not do for me, but more on this later). Meanwhile, all across Sydney, parents willingly nudge their small children several feet meters closer to death each and every day. I am talking, of course, about the playgrounds.

Sydney is filled with parks. Pocket parks, lawny parks, treeish/brookish parks, parks with racetracks and cricket pitches (is it called a pitch?) and fountains. Parks with trees dripping with flying foxes. Some of these parks have playgrounds. And 100% of these playgrounds spell inevitable doom for anyone who dares tread their recycled tire matting. It is just a matter of time.

Take Exhibit A. Climbing pyramid. Or as I like to call it, Mount Doom. Take a moment and consider the scale here. Those kids don't stand a chance. If they don't end up strangled by the ropes, they'll certainly plunge to their death at the top of K2. Come on folks, Really?

These terrifying structures literally riddle the parks all across New South Wales. If that weren't enough, let's add Exhibit B. Un-manned Ziplines. Now when this photo was taken the victim was somewhat close to the ground so you really can't comprehend the horror here. But considering she started approximately 155 feet in the air (+/- 150 ft), I was floored. And they just let kids grab on and hope for the best, 24/7/365. The park doesn't even tie it up in the middle of the night. And we all thought China had the impending population pyramid problem. Nope. I'm here to tell ya folks: it's Sydney, Australia.

But these are kind of boring, you say. We've seen this before. Yawn.
All right, why not mix it up a little? Better yet, why not mix and match? My personal favorite, Exhibit C. Carousel of Death.
Remember those Merry-Go-Rounds that were so much fun when we were little banned across the U.S.? Well here in Sydney, they're back! With an added feature: on top of the merry-go-round, you get Mount Doom. That way, when you get going fast enough, you can fly off from approximately 20 feet in the air!!!! So. Cool.

So this is why my kid (if I were ever to have one) will look like a dork. Because he/she/it will not be let out of the house without helmet and neck-brace. Ever. Depending on destination, life-jacket and goggles will also be required. Cruel? Not compared to the near-death experiences millions of Sydneysiders subject their kids to each day. Will my kids get made fun of? Sure. But in the end, they'll thank me for it.                                         

Up and Carissa

I have a serious issue. I am awake. This has been a problem my entire life. Here's how it goes - a little something like this: I always wake up before 6am.  Does it matter that I stayed up till 3am? No, silly girl it does not matter that you stayed up till 3am! Bah! It's better if you stayed up until 3am! Then all the sleep fairies can have a good laugh ... and a coffee break.


In fact, I have calculated that over the course of my life, I have been awake approximately 2-3 years more than Rob, despite the fact that he is 1 year older than me. Yes we actually calculated this, and yes, you read it right. We go to bed at the same time every night; then I wake up at 5 or 6, and he wakes up at 8 or 9. You calculate this out over the course of a week, and I have been awake approximately 21 hours longer that week than he has. Stretch it out to a month, I've been awake for 3-4 more days than him. 


Some days I love this. I wake up and get twenty million things done before anyone else is awake. Other days I hate it, because no matter how tired I feel, I cannot go back to bed. I. must. get. up. On the flip side of things, at night, I can go to sleep really fast. Really fast. I have been timed. I am not sure what my average is, but the record is 29 seconds from declaring intent to sleep.


**The title for this blog post is stolen from Rob... he's always of the opinion that 'Adam' (at 'em) never not make sense ... he's always very clearly 'Up and Rob' not 'Up and Adam'**