tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8124587072441332479.post3642780897390582397..comments2024-03-27T01:08:22.690-07:00Comments on Carissa Taylor: Query Lab #1: YA Urban Fantasy Query Critique Carissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10594436685900756259noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8124587072441332479.post-66874333203252957632017-03-09T10:18:23.790-08:002017-03-09T10:18:23.790-08:00Hi!
So brave to put this up there!
My first impre...Hi!<br />So brave to put this up there!<br /><br />My first impression is that this is too long and could be tightened up.<br />You can make the first sentence two: Adeline knows all demons are different (not sure why you have a cap D in the query) they spend more time in her body than she does. You don't need the next sentence, you just explained that they are different skip to the next bit that you can also put into one sentence.<br />Roderick Lyle can fit his whole life in is accordion case. Same thing as above, you don't need the next line and can tighten the murder bit into one or two.<br />I like how you change to not start the paragraph with another name but you can also make it shorter. The addled mind of Stein might not... but it sees everything. I would omit the aliens it confuses the genre.<br />Next paragraph is nice how you tie it all in but then I'm missing the stakes. Why should we care? This was the biggest struggle for me in my query so you are not alone.<br />Also missing some Comps. <br />And yes, you may want to go back and do a big trim with your word count. Over 100K for a first time writer is a pretty hard sell to agents. I just heard one say they never take YA Fantasy over 95K. But don't let this get you down. If anything, it probably means your a great "shower" instead of "teller." Allow it to give you editing freedom. Take out characters who do nothing for the plot or are cliché (although your book doesn't sound cliché) Be vicious with yourself and give it to a new beta reader to see if they find plot holes after.<br />Keep the ending and the bio short and sweet. And for the middle remember less is more. Think less what your book is about and more about why someone should read it. And tiny nuggets go a long way. Even if it's just the age or occupation of your characters or where they spend their time.<br />Hope this helps!<br />Marit<br />@MaritTing on TwitterMarithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15199799481498836189noreply@blogger.com